I really wish I knew what to do with myself. I feel like I am in zombie mode, and only functioning in life on auto pilot....I really want to talk to my husband, but he won't say one word to me. I feel in my heart that we can work this out, but my brain is telling me it is over. I a so miserable, and I feel so bad for my kids, cause all I have done is sit on my couch and cry, I feed them, and change them, but like I said its like I am doing all of that on auto pilot. I really just miss my husband, and the way things used to be.

Well here I am again, with nobody to turn to so I turn to my blog that I seem to neglect unless I am really depressed with nobody else to talk to!!! My husband and I are at it again. Everytime, I feel like things are going to be ok, something happens and I feel like my world is shattering down on me. It has been 24 hours and my husband, the love of my life, my best friend has not said 1 single word not only to me, but to our children. It is ok if he is mad at me and hates me, but it is NOT OK for him to ignore our children who love him so much. My husband and my girls are my life, and I am a huge emotional wreck when he is mad at me, but this time I really have no idea what I did. He came home from work yesterday morning, and he was fine, we were messing around wrestiling with each other before he went to bed, I got around and ready for work, spent the whole day at work, and came home to him giving me the silent treatment. He didn't say one word to the girls all day yesterday or today. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and my poor Kayleigh when she asks why her daddy left and didn't even say good bye, it breaks my heart!!! Well I guess that is enough venting for now.

6 months

I am sitting here watching my baby girl go all over the house in her walker. I sit here and want to cry, I hate how fast the time goes when all I want to do is put it on pause and cherish each and every minute with my kids as they are now. In about 3 months, I will have a 3year old and a 9 month old. That is so unreal to me!! I feel like it was just yesterday that my Kayleigh Renee was born and now she is walking and talking, carrying conversations with me, and my baby is not a baby anymore, she will forever be "my baby", but now she is my big girl and she will tell you that. My baby is starting to get mobile, she got her first tooth, and she loves big girl food. Me I just want her to stay this size forever!!! I love seeing her learn new things, and I love seeing those unbelievable smiles, but I really miss my small little cuddle package!!

So I haven't been here in a while, and now once again when things are so bad, where do I turn, none other than my blog.
If it wasn't for my 2 girls I would feel like there was nothing to live for. My husband told me that our marriage is over and I am a giant mess. How do I deal with the reality of being a single mom for the rest of my life. How do I let go of the love of my life, my first love, my highschool sweetheart, the only man left on this planet I give a damn about. Times like this make me miss my daddy so much. All I really want is for my dad and my husband to be in my life forever. I wish there was something I could do to make things better, and to keep my family together. My husband is moving to Florida, and me that leaves me either stranded here in Wisconsin or me moving back to Michigan, and still have noplace to go. Life is so hard and I really don't know what to do.
What kind of life are my girls going to have with there parents not only divorced, but living in 2 different states. How fair is life going to be for them when it comes to visitation. I thought I was in so much pain over this, but the ones that are really going to suffer are Kayleigh and Kendyle. How much more can one person take......................I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, my heart is in a million pieces and I don't know what else to do!

the terrible, horrible no good very bad day.......

Hello all:
Today has been one of the longest days yet. I am getting cabin fever badly, I miss my husband so much, and I just want this whole chapter of my life to be over. On top of that I am having such a bad day whenever I have talked to my husband we have been fighting. I just feel like he is slacking and not trying to find us a place to live. I want so badly for us to find a place and get moved over and move on. My kids need their dad around more than 1 day every 14 days, and I NEED MY HUSBAND. I wish he could just understand that. I am ready for him to come home and pick us all up and take us back with him. I am sick of waiting 14 days just to see him about 24 hours, then say goodbye and start it all over again. I miss him the girls miss him, and i am done with this. Well thanks for letting me blab again. Talk to you all soon!!

Today is such a gloomy day outside. I miss my husband, and feel like the days drag by. It seems like they would go by a little faster since I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old to keep me busy. I am just used to having him hear to talk to, and actually have him talk back. My kids are really good listeners, unless I am telling my oldest to do something! Well I am off for now, going to give my hubby a call!!

Really?

So this whole having my husband live in another state is hard enough, not to mention fighting with him over the phone. UGH.... I am so over all of this. I can't stand the stress anymore, I love him so much, but man I can only take so much. The whole fight was about a status update I posted on my facebook page like 2 weeks ago, something about how much I miss him, and couldn't wait for the couple of weeks to get over so we would be able to be together....You would have thought I was trashing him on my page, and it was like 2 weeks ago that it was even on there, right now my status is from yesterday about how I had such a good easter with my family, and loved spending time with him and the kids....So here I sit crying my eyes out, blogging yet again. I am glad I found this place to let my feelings out where people won't go running and tell him, oh Jamie is blubbering about you again, yadda yadda yadda. Well once again thanks for letting me vent here!!